Orgasms for everyone: exploration and education
International Female Orgasm Day aims to raise awareness about women's pleasure and sexuality, after years of invisibility. It also extends to trans, non-binary, intersex, and older adult people.
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BUENOS AIRES, Argentina. August 8th is International Female Orgasm Day. The date has been celebrated for thirteen years and originated in Esperantina, Brazil, where it was discovered that less than 30% of women experienced pleasure and that this should be a public health issue.
In Argentina, specialists in Sexology from the Gynecology division of the Hospital de Clínicas of the UBA recalled that 30% of women have orgasmic disorders and that 12% never reached climax in their sexual relations, even among those who have given birth to children.
According to a 2018 study by the team of professionals she is part of, based on interviews with 150 women between the ages of 18 and 70 who attended the Gynecology Outpatient Clinics, "30% do not experience orgasms and 12% have never had one, either alone or with their partners."
This invisibility of women's sexuality also extends to trans, non-binary, intersex people and older adults.
Is it enough to talk about "female orgasm"?
Fluid Erotics is a nomadic, self-managed project dedicated to promoting care and pleasure from a critical, embodied, and situated perspective on sexuality. It offers group workshops and personalized consultations. The project also independently researches and creates fanzines and sells erotic toys.
The person who gives vitality to the project is Andre, a non-binary lesbian, transfeminist, psychologist and companion to survivors of violence.
“There are so many myths surrounding orgasm in people with vulvas. One of the main ones has to do with gender markers. That is, associating vulvas with women and women with the idea of femininity. Therefore, we continue to talk about female orgasm, when the reality is that we could consider having less cis-sexist practices and call it by many other names,” Andre explains.
“Another thing,” she adds, “has to do with the idea that orgasm is the ultimate expression of pleasure for people, that we all seek it, that it is the culmination of desire, that it is the most desirable experience for everyone. When the reality is that many people do not seek it and do not desire it,” she states.
What is squirting?
Andre clarifies the facts about ejaculation in people with vulvas. “In some people with vulvas, what we know as squirting or fluid expulsion occurs. Both ejaculation and squirting can happen before, during, or after an orgasm. It can even happen without an orgasm. Therefore, itis not the same as orgasm, and ejaculating is not the same as squirting,” he adds.
The activist defines what squirting is. “It’s defined as a copious expulsion of fluids that comes out through our urethra and originates in the bladder in conjunction with the prostate. It’s usually a clear, abundant, and slightly sweet-tasting liquid. Now, when we talk about how to experience pleasure in the vulvovaginal area, we first have to be very clear that pleasure experiences are not generalizable. On the contrary, they are incredibly individual and specific.”
The key in education
Knowing your body, exploring yourself, educating yourself. These seem to be the keys when thinking about orgasm.
Norma Castillo was a pioneer in the fight for the legalization of same-sex marriage and one of the members of the first lesbian couple to marry in Argentina. Now 80 years old, she recalls that during her adolescence she never heard of female orgasms.
“Everyone had to say and hear things that weren’t true,” she recalls, “especially about taking away a woman’s right to sexuality. When I was still in high school, I think, science—not to mention religion, because religion castrates your sexuality when you’re young—said that a woman’s sexual desire ends with menopause. It’s truly terrible. At least I can’t believe they tell you such a big lie.”
She recalls that there were words that were simply not spoken, like clitoris. “For 35 years I lived misunderstood; science said we were sick. That very passionate women were either nymphomaniacs or had uterine fever. If there is anything crueler than that…,” she adds.
Talking about orgasms
Norma Castillo says that masturbation was her outlet. “I always felt I gave more than I received. I liked it, it excited me, it thrilled me, I fell in love, I had many boyfriends. But that moment of saying how good I feel never came, until I discovered my true sexuality.”
Spaces with other lesbians weren't places where Norma could clear up her doubts. “For many years I went to lesbian meetings and we talked about everything except that. Even today it's difficult to talk about the subject because there's so much prejudice against it, as if it were shameful or something. But that's normal, and we have to try to make it normal again.”
She emphasizes, “Women have orgasms until the last day of their lives. It is the most intense pleasure and the greatest relaxation. And it is a boost to health.
Recognizing pleasure
Education is fundamental to self-knowledge, Andre states. “When we think about how we can experience pleasure in this area of our body, we first have to ask ourselves what our body likes. Once we know that, we can begin to explore and investigate how our body responds to certain stimuli that have been interpreted as erotic, sexual, or pleasurable. And see how we respond to those stimuli.”
And she recommends: “We can also focus on areas that tend to be more sensitive, such as the clitoris, clitoral hood, labia, vaginal canal, prostate, etc., and thus create our own journey linked to pleasurable experiences, alone or with a partner.”
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