A month after the attack that left him hospitalized for a week and nearly cost him an eye, Jonathan Castellari (25) gave his first interview. It was on the program “You Can’t Live on Love,” hosted by Franco Torchia, and he spoke about everything: from coming out as a teenager with the “flogger” movement to leaving home, the attack, his ongoing recovery, his fears, and the support he received from hundreds of people after what happened.

“The flogger revolution helped me come out of the closet”

In the studio of La Once Diez, the city's radio station, Jonathan recounted how at 15, thanks to the flogger movement and the support of his friend Agustina "Cumbio" Vivero, he came to terms with his homosexuality. "It was truly a revolution for those of us who were teenagers at that time, and it helped all of us gay kids who were out there a lot." He recalled that when he came out to his mother as a teenager, she told him she would have preferred to have an abortion. "After that, I was devastated and in a pretty bad place for a while. Until I decided to talk to my dad, which surprised me because I expected the opposite. My dad was the dominant figure. And he told me, 'I don't care what you do behind closed doors. I will respect you and love you just the way you are,'" he recounted. From that moment on, he had severed ties with his mother, but they resumed contact after his father's death, and although things were never quite the same, they gradually recovered. “When this happened, she was there for me, and now we're doing better. She respects me and gets along well with my boyfriend.” [audio mp3="https://agenciapresentes.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/AUDIO-Jonathan-Castellari.mp3"][/audio]

“I never thought this could happen to me”

“Today I’m doing well, though I still have some tests to do to see if I need eye socket surgery. I still have some pain in my arm and ribs. Beyond that, my body still feels strange,” the young man said. He explained that he still can’t believe what happened to him in this short time, right here in Buenos Aires. “I’m part of Ciervos Pampa, a rugby team that fights against homophobia. Although I always shared news about homophobic attacks on my social media, it felt very distant. “I never thought this could happen to me.” I'd never been physically assaulted before, but discrimination is felt every day, every minute, everywhere. That's just how it is. I don't mind being called a faggot or gay. I even reply, 'Tell me something I don't know.' And there's always violence, in words too, but I'd never been hit for being a faggot… 'Take this, you faggot. Eat this, you faggot' are phrases I'll never forget.” Since his story was published, and especially since he posted the letter on social media telling his story, he's received hundreds of messages thanking him for the encouragement to come out to his family. “I get messages from all over the world, which sometimes I can't translate and reply to. It's overwhelming.”

“We had to go looking for the attackers ourselves.”

“Besides being cowards for attacking me as a group, they're even more cowardly because two of them live two blocks from the Güemes Clinic, where I was hospitalized for a week, and they weren't even able to approach me,” Jonathan emphasized. Regarding the status of the case, he said he met with the prosecutor and that the outlook wasn't promising. He added that it was he himself, along with his friend Sebastián Sierra—who was with him the night of the attack and witnessed everything—who found the assailants. “We spent two or three sleepless nights searching for the attackers on social media and were able to locate seven of the eight people involved.”

[READ ALSO: Five arrested for homophobic attack on rugby player Jonathan Castellari released]

“It’s difficult for me to move on with my life until this story is resolved. When this happened, I was planning a trip to Europe. I was going to leave five days later…,” he said. Still on psychiatric leave—he works for the Buenos Aires subway system—since his release, he hasn’t gone out alone because he’s afraid. He says he feels like a prisoner. “I’ve never been afraid to show myself as I truly am. And now I am.” He also confessed that he has nightmares every night, something that has never happened to him before. “They’re violent dreams, in which I hear screams… Sometimes I wake up with a racing heart or crying. It’s horrible, it’s painful.” Finally, she said that she plans to marry her boyfriend this year and hopes that her case will raise awareness and help end discrimination and homophobic rhetoric: “I want to help prevent these things from happening again, fight for diversity, try to open minds, because sexuality is not a matter of morality, because homosexuality is not an illness as some religions still try to make people believe, and we have the right to live in freedom.”  

“I don’t go out alone, I don’t feel safe and I’m afraid,” @justin_urielsaid for the first time about the homophobic attack he suffered, with @francotorchia_ on #NoSePuedeVivirDelCalor @sepuedevivir AUDIO https://t.co/RqNwqoL0zb pic.twitter.com/GQsX6k3nub

— La Once Diez (@Laoncediez) January 3, 2018

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