I was a trans child: first-person accounts from our community
The media's portrayal of transgender children sparked a dialogue within our community. How did transgender people experience their childhoods?
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In Presentes, we produced the article "Trans Children, Bullying, and Preventable Deaths." We consulted with experts on the topic and invited people who could speak from their experiences and professions. Participants included Ese Montenegro, a trans activist and teacher of Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE); Manu Mireles, academic secretary ofthe Mocha Celis trans community high school ; and Gabriela Mansilla, mother of the first child to obtain an official document that recognized her gender identity.
The avoidable death of Iván, a 12-year-old boy who, along with his sister, jumped from the balcony of a third-floor apartment in Barcelona after suffering bullying, opened a series of debates regarding how we talk about trans children and adolescents.
The media coverage of the news and the perspective we proposed in our article sparked an interesting exchange within our community, starting with the question:
How did trans people experience their childhoods?
“I’ve been trans for as long as I can remember,” says Instagram user @editrolo. He’s a freelance editor and proofreader. He also writes for the news website Infonews and works on the Desviades podcast. “I wished I had a penis, and I hated my genitals and everything associated with femininity. Today I’m 26, and I’ve been living as a trans man for eight years. I literally feel like my life began when I could finally be who I always was.”
@editrolo__“I’ve been trans for as long as I can remember. The earliest of these feelings, around age 4, was that I wanted a penis, and I hated my genitals and everything associated with femininity.”
Martín Alejandro Salto says that he is now a trans adult but suffered bullying from the age of 7. “The Gender Identity Law gave me back the hope of living,” he said.
@martin_alejandro_saltoof #fuiInfancias 7 in school and the Gender Identity Law gave me back the hope of living.”
Aleksander identifies as non-binary and feminist. He told us: “It wasn’t until I was 22 that I was able to understand and put into words who I am, and I came to understand a lot about my childhood and adolescence.”
@alek.xs.ander “As a child, I always chose masculine things. I didn't like feminine clothes, but I wore them anyway because that's what I had to do, right? I grew up questioning why boys and girls had to dress differently, act differently, why some things were divided by gender. At 22, I was finally able to understand and put into words who I am, and I understood a lot about my childhood and adolescence. I am non-binary, trans masculine. Now I'm 27 and I feel extremely proud of who I am 🧡 I hope there will be more and more representation so that children don't have to live a life they feel doesn't belong to them.”
In the case of Julián, who is now 32 years old, he remembers that it was very difficult for him to understand what was happening to him.
@julian.ekar When I was 4, I wanted to be called Pablo, like a cousin I admired (he represented everything I wanted). But it wasn't until I was 27 that I could name myself and understand myself. I'm 32 now and I'm a trans man.
Something similar happened to @sofiabeuret.“I couldn’t put it into words, but looking back, it was always there. Unfortunately, it took me a lifetime to come to terms with it. I’m 43.”
Feeling different
Instagram user and Presentes reader @genoma07 recalls feeling like he “didn’t fit in”.
“All my life I felt different, I felt like I was different from the other girls and I didn’t understand why, I felt like I didn’t fit in. At 24 I started to investigate and I understood that it wasn’t her, it was him.”
Bullying and harassment were constant in the life of user @fabylucyglz.She recalls how, in the 1980s in Argentina, she had to live a life marked by institutional violence as a trans woman.
@fabylucyglz, 4 brothers, only trans. I always knew I wasn't like my brothers, but I was able to name it and know who I was when I was 12 years old (1982) when I saw “a transvestite” on the street and I said to myself: that's who I am!!! And I was able to understand the mockery and harassment in that context. My adolescence and youth were marked only by the systematic persecution, torture, and illegal imprisonments of the 80s and 90s under the contravention codes for offenses against public decency, prostitution, and transvestism, but it's a story for a book. Greetings 🏳️⚧️”
Another reader recounted that he knew he was different but only after the age of 18 was he able to assume his identity.
@doggoalejandroIwas 5 I gave indications that my identity was male, that is, I was a boy. Currently I am a man, I had to wait until I was 18 to start, but it is what could be achieved with the information of the time and my own resources.”
Pathologization and condemnation
Trans women and men suffer pathologization, which is constructed, among other things, through bullying and misinformation. In this sense, one of the readers recounts their childhood experiences.
@ismise.liam #Ihadatranschildhood “When I was 2, I told my mom I was a boy. She told me that girls and boys could do the same things, and I told her I already knew that. When I was four, I asked everyone close to me to call me Ben and use male pronouns. To emphasize that trans people don't have to follow stereotypes, I wore makeup, loved dresses and dolls, and played sports that are socially considered “for women,” but nevertheless, I was still a boy.
At age 10, when I started developing, I told my mother that my body was like a house being decorated with things that shouldn't be there. At that time, I did some very strange things to try to stop my growth. My mother almost took me to a psychiatrist, but I refused. Today I regret that; I could have been on hormone blockers, but I was so sure I wasn't sick that I completely opposed it.
At 11, I started creating role-playing accounts on Instagram where I was a boy, which made me feel like myself. At 14, I discovered the existence of trans people. Now, almost two decades later, I'm still trans. Trans childhoods exist because trans adults were once children.
“For as long as I can remember, but I remember more from age 9 onwards, I suffered because I knew I was different from other girls. And for years I went to sleep wishing I would wake up as a girl, a woman.”
Mothers of trans children
Among the readers were also mothers of transgender children. They shared their experiences in the comments section of our article.
@lauu_the_black_mamba” “I am the mother of a trans boy… and I couldn't be more proud of my son. Every day I learn more from him and I hope I can always be there to support him in everything he needs. ❤️
@nataliabrindise, she dressed up as a mermaid in preschool, and even though her teacher had a problem with the principal, she let her go and accompanied her. I only found out much later. Today, my daughter can live freely, even though we have to fight for her rights. Trans children exist and are resilient. For more free childhoods. They are not sick. They are not changed. They ARE. Sorry, proud mother of her daughter.”
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