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By Lana from Holland*

Working with Marielle changed my life. There is a life before working with Mari (that's what we called her) and one after.

Being a trans woman or transvestite in Brazil involves several social limitations, such as expectations regarding education, relationships, healthcare, and employment. For a long time, I believed that there was no other path for me than informal work or prostitution. But then Marielle appeared, took an interest in my activism and activism, and gave me a job opportunity that became a chance at life.

That's why this text is a lament for the year that has passed since she and Anderson were executed, but also a letter of thanks for everything she did, even some things without realizing it.

The night of March 14th turned into a nightmare. An endless nightmare that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. That day, Mari was in a great mood, as usual. She was laughing, joking, working hard, and eating a lot. It was her routine.

[READ ALSO: “We are the seed of Marielle Franco that has already sprouted against Bolsonaro”]

I remember I had arrived home an hour earlier. I was getting ready to watch television, to relax a bit after a long day at work, when my phone started ringing frantically. Several friends texted me to find out if I was okay, if I was with Marielle… In a few minutes, I understood what had happened.

I learned that Marielle had just been murdered along with Anderson, who was driving the car. There was also one of her advisors who wasn't hurt, and many people thought it was me. It wasn't me.

This is a very short summary of the worst night of my life. The worst night of the lives of many people I know.

[READ ALSO: Brazil: Two former police officers arrested for the murder of Marielle Franco]

Now, a year later, I write these words amidst fear, pain, hatred, and despair. This week, the police surprised us by arresting the alleged killers of Mari and Anderson . It seems that after 365 days, they have finally discovered who fired the shots and who was driving the getaway car. But the police say they still don't know who is behind it all.

In other words, the most important, the most central question is missing: who ordered Marielle's murder?

Which political group was capable of ordering the murder of a legitimately elected councilwoman, with more than 40,000 votes in Brazil's second largest city?

Marielle was a Black, lesbian woman from the favela, a human rights activist. Who would have any interest in ending her life?

Today, March 14th, after another full revolution of the Earth around the sun, I'm still in pain. I'm still sad. I still don't have much hope. The pain, which had been numbed by daily life, returned with full force this past week. It's also heartbreaking to know that we live in such a fragile democracy that people are murdered for their political beliefs.

[READ ALSO: “Bolsonaro is very similar to the people who voted for him”]

What keeps me going is the gratitude I have, and will always have, for Mari. She encouraged me. She believed in me when I didn't. She gave me a chance and wanted me to be someone.

Even today, when I'm feeling down, I try to look at myself and believe in myself more. Finally, she, a symbol of struggle and political trajectory, believed.

We continue searching for all the answers. We continue searching for a peaceful, less unequal, more just society. A society where Black women are present in all spaces. A society where LGBT+ people occupy their rightful places and are not relegated to a ghetto. Everything Mari fought for.

Today and forever, Marielle is in my life.

Marielle present, today and always.

*Brazilian human rights activist. First trans advisor to the Rio de Janeiro City Council (PSOL).