Starting with the expressions “it shows” or “it doesn’t show,” activist Violeta Alegre reflects on the tendency, for trans women, to reproduce hegemonic models, often at a very high physical and emotional cost. And she asks: Is there a universalization of being a woman? What does it mean to feel like a woman? To have a vagina? To be attracted to the opposite? By Violeta Alegre* Photos: Violeta Alegre Archive Whether as an affirmation or with a negative preceding it, all people with dissident gender expressions hear these three little words throughout their lives: “it shows.” When it comes to cis* bodies, we may or may not know their sexual orientation: whether they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The same is not true for trans bodies, where everything “shows.” When “it doesn’t show,” it means that these bodies have undergone many interventions and hormone treatments to erase all masculine characteristics. But can all trans bodies go through that transition? Is it always possible? What would be the end goal? When I was ten years old, I found my parents talking in their room about my gender identity and expression. My father was saying to my mother, “I don’t think you want to realize it… It’s obvious he’s behaving in ways that aren’t typical of a boy.” Clearly, I was already losing my inhibitions. To which my mother replied, “So what’s the problem? We have to let him be.” That moment was pivotal in allowing me to freely construct my identity. I remember feeling a great sense of relief. At home, the way I was treated changed for the better. I felt more protected, and I suppose they knew that society wouldn’t react the same way to my deconstruction and reconstruction as it did at home.

Violet at age 4, with her brother. 

I started hearing 'it doesn't show at all'

Time passed, and I became friends with a gay man from my neighborhood, with whom I discussed our sexual preferences. I started wearing crop tops, and we'd go out with our faces brick-colored from all the powder. At his house, my friend didn't have the same freedom to talk about certain topics, much less to express a non-masculine gender identity with his body. His family consisted of a mother who was complicit with him and a father who was a police officer, where the limit back then was saying "I'm gay." And even then, tolerance didn't extend that far. As you can imagine, it wasn't the same for me. I started "getting dressed up" in my bedroom. I did wardrobe fittings to make sure I liked how I looked. I was preparing for my transition at Bunker, a "gay" club in the '90s. And that's how, with my youthful face, long hair, and how thin I was, I started hearing "you can't tell at all." I covered the shadow of my upper lip with foundation, and my angel face And that's it. You could definitely tell my friend was gay.  Violet at 13 years old 

Becoming the abject

But moving beyond my own biography, I'm interested in reflecting on what the root cause is that makes us noticeable or not. And in either case What is noticeable? Clearly, this stems from binary thinking.From the supposed imposition that if we are born with a penis we become male, or if we have a vagina we become female. Added to this is the obligation to perform gender roles, and heterosexuality, of course. We also have to get married, "expand the family," make our parents grandparents, and a long list of other things that, if not done, could generate guilt. LGB (lesbian, gay, bisexual) people can—depending, of course, on many factors of love and support—fit perfectly into the binary, into the hegemonic system. While sexual orientation also contributes to identity, it is not necessary to undergo bodily interventions since a cisgender body is assumed. Gender is a construct used to control bodies, reproduction, and the economy. For a long time, anything that deviated from that norm, thanks to the Church, double standards, and medical discourse, was considered abject. I remember a gay friend who felt so much guilt about being gay that she said, "I have to have at least one child so my parents can be proud of me." Many people reproduce that feeling of guilt.

Violet at 16 years old

There can be many factors that cause us to become feminized.

The T (Trans) (I use it as an umbrella term to refer to transvestite, transsexual, and transgender femininities) can also fall into the binary and hegemonic traps today. Having a document—thanks to the Gender Identity Law—that places us within the feminine as "woman" is also a way of beginning to erase all our differences. Almost all of us go through a moment of aesthetic transition. Whether or not we adopt an androgynous image (and depending on personal decisions, economic circumstances, emotional support, and sensitivities), we deconstruct physical characteristics interpreted as masculine. There can be many factors that lead us to feminize ourselves, and the means we use to do so are all valid. For example, not tolerating (due to systemic demands) being seen as something intermediate or outside the binary. Or to be more sexually and emotionally attractive to men. Or to enter the competitive prostitution market because there are no other possible means of survival, or simply because we want to. All these possibilities can occur in a static or mobile way, depending on personal situations, geographical situations, or privileges that we do not want or are prepared to lose or tolerate.

[READ ALSO: “Transphobia is not a phobia: it is not an illness”]

Among gay men, we often say things like, "You're so cool, girl," or "You're so hot." Depending on the moment, that can be a hugely positive achievement or something we're no longer interested in. When we come from families that hold our hands—the embrace is crucial in the whole process of identity formation—the experiences are different. Deconstruction and construction from the moment of identity emergence are not the same as those stemming from the empowerment we receive as children and adolescents. There, we could build ourselves earlier, or also, for example, as "artists," if we were allowed the freedom and responsibility to embrace ourselves in our own development.

Violeta at 17 years old

 Bodies available to the market

Why do the decisions we make about our bodies or our sexual and emotional desires matter so much in where we redirect our lives? Answering gross mode: If we had absolute freedom to express our identities, we would destabilize the economic systems that expect us to be producers of goods and services. and let us also make our bodies available for it, at any price and under the label of “normal”. It only ceased to exist within the DSM in 1990 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) Homosexuality is not recognized as a psychiatric disorder, but our self-perceived identity continues to be listed in the DSM-V as "Gender Dysphoria". Female beauty standards are also upheld in our bodieswhere the closest translation is "to be a woman." But what does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to feel like a woman? To have a vagina? To be attracted to the opposite? Is there a universalization of womanhood? A reduction to the genitals? Aren't we falling back into a biological discourse?

Why register ourselves within the identity of 'woman'?

The supposed homogeneity of women stems from the hegemony that equates woman with possessing a vagina, white, middle-class, university-educated, and Western. This concept is laden with meanings based on male dominance, just as men have dominated land, language, and the economy. From a position of power, the patriarchal system has positioned women within a subjective construct—by opposition—laden with “instincts,” “delicacy,” “caregiving duties,” and so on. Feminism has come to redefine gender as a cultural construct independent of genital sex. Understanding how a woman is perceived by patriarchy, doesn't this reduce and oppress a being simply for possessing a different biology? When a woman deviates from her expected role, doesn't she undergo a transition? Is it noticeable?

[READ ALSO: When the limit of feminism is trans femininities ]

What would be the reason for a trans identity to be inscribed within the female identity? To be accepted within the hegemonic system? If so, it comes at a cost: erasing all our particularities so that “we aren’t noticeable.” Latin American transvestite-trans theory breaks with these binaries and, among other things, maintains that we must embrace all that we carry within us. Because you know what? It shows! And we're proud of it. *cis or cisgender: a term used to describe people whose gender identity and gender assigned at birth match. (NDR) *Trans activist, teacher, consultant for the World Bank, with a diploma in Gender from the National University of General Sarmiento.]]>