I want to emancipate myself from Christmas

For many of us, trans or transvestites, these dates are a living reminder of not belonging to a family.

December 24, 2020

Violet Alegre

Illustration: Nelson Evergreen

I see how most people—yes, most, even fellow feminists—hurry to await the arrival of the man with the white beard, engaging in concrete acts of unnecessary consumption, of selfish fireworks that disregard the rest of the species. These explosions, outside of this time of year, are repressive attacks, or wars. But Christmas assimilation transforms it into a celebration for a few days. They say it's not for them. That it's for their children, their parents, grandparents, their nuclear or blended family—it doesn't matter.

For many of us, trans or travesti women, these dates are a vivid reminder of not belonging to a family (at least not a nuclear one), or of having belonged to one as children, when they tried to indoctrinate us with gender, beliefs, and good behavior. And in the case of Micaela (a trans friend from the neighborhood), it also brought the immeasurable pain and disgust of seeing the uncle who abused her. But of course, how could I say anything on that sacred day? Everyone was hugging each other and getting emotional, their bellies full of failure.

I remember that when I felt those hugs, or read those looks, I couldn't tell if they were expressions of joy or a desperate need to give themselves another chance to forge a different kind of relationship, one that was less violent. Because, a few days later, everything would descend into chaos between my parents again. Something like the heightened "fun" of the weekend for those who are in the office Monday through Friday, and it all ends in a distressing Sunday of overindulgence and a moral hangover.

"We know the group all year round."

I say this for those of us who feel the disruption of hegemony in our very being. Those of us who experience the breakdown of binary thinking, those of us who engage in micropolitical practices of deconstruction in order to achieve emancipation—isn't it somewhat contradictory to respond to this date with ecclesiastical beliefs? With problematic consumption?

I want to emancipate myself from Christmas, like Mica surely does from her uncle and the imposed mandates; as children deserve; like all my trans and travesti comrades who on this hegemonic date are stripped and forced into the gathering.

Because we know about the mess all year round and we mourn those who are not in the hands of those who uphold symbolic violence.

I won't be such a downer, celebrate! I'm looking forward to the new year, which I like better, and I promise I won't argue against linear time; something just as, or even more, contemptible than Christmas.

Congratulations.

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