Trans mother: "I'm going to raise him with the freedom that was denied to me"

Nicole Vázquez is a Uruguayan trans woman based in Buenos Aires who was granted custody of her four-year-old nephew by the Uruguayan Justice system.

October 21, 2018

Photos: MAFIA

Nicole Vázquez is a Uruguayan trans woman living in Buenos Aires. Her name appeared in several media outlets in the Río de la Plata region because she was the first trans woman to be granted custody of a child—her four-year-old nephew—by the courts in Paysandú , a department in Uruguay. The process began in 2014, when he was a baby and she received a call informing her that there was no one to care for him. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she didn't hesitate. On Mother's Day in Argentina, Nicole recounts how this process unfolded.

They contacted us when he was 8 months old from the Uruguayan Children's Institute. I didn't hesitate at that moment. I consulted with my partner because he's my life partner, but I was ready. And we started the process. There was no one else to take care of him. That was in 2014.

I always wanted to be a trans mother, but I saw it as a dream, a fantasy. Because it's so difficult for us to access justice; we're so stigmatized. They treat us like criminals, drug traffickers, addicts. If we turn to prostitution, it's because the state doesn't guarantee our right to work. They don't hire us. We get tired of looking for work and being judged. And often, it's the only way we have to survive. There's still a long way to go. We always have to depend on others because we don't have economic independence. In my case, my life changed thanks to the Mocha Celis Trans Popular High School. I started studying and acquiring knowledge: it gave me many tools to defend myself. It empowered me because education is power.

My bond with him grew stronger as time went on. No one is born a mother. Being a mother isn't just about giving birth. I don't believe in instinct. Motherhood is something you build. It's about the bond, and ours is one of complete freedom. We are individuals. I am his mother, his aunt, his comrade in arms. I will walk alongside him, and whatever he decides (or she, because I won't dictate it), I will support him. I will raise him with all the freedom that was denied me as a child.

I would tell all trans women who want to adopt or seek custody of a nephew to go for it. It won't be easy, but hopefully this will help us all assert our rights. We need to study, because that gives us the tools to say that we are first-class citizens, just like anyone else.

I got tired in the process, but love wins: love always wins.

In this process, I learned a lot about how the justice system works. Having access to justice was fundamental. From the first day I held that beautiful baby, everything changed.

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